Jane: endurance, risk and love

Saturday, October 08, 2005

I'm listening to: Hale - Kung Wala Ka
I'm currently feeling: Troubled

Lights went off at around 3 AM. I was still wide awake until 11AM.
I was worried about my Ragnarok characters. They should've been leveling. I couldn't do anything so I spent my time smoking, cleaned my nails and then do my usual hobby before, piercing. I pierced my ears once again. Two years ago, I had a total of 5 holes on both ears. My papa used to scold me seeing my ears filled with pins on it
.
The weather was so humid, so I slept naked.

I woke up at around 5PM. I almost forgot that it's siege time. I was in a hurry fixing all my accounts. I never enjoyed the outcome. I am a perfectionist and I always expect everything to be in their proper order. This afternoon, things didn't turned out so well for the 2 guild extensions. I'm so disappointed.

8:15 PM endurance, risk and love

I'm listening to: Cueshe - 24 Hours
I'm currently feeling: Worried

Nothing much happened yesterday.

I got up late (3PM) and immediately took my shower. I was planning to have my clearance signed but hesitant because I might be running out of time, so I decided to do it this morning, that if I would be able to wake up early.

I talked to Djhan about our situation this afternoon. I cried and I couldn't help but self pity for once again I lost a friend. I am being honest with myself, I've been honest to him and I just couldn't blame him nor get angry with him. I too have weaknesses. There are matters we just couldn't settle. He sounded so bitter, he's being sarcastic. He misunderstood all my comments.
"Prejudice is worst than racism", something I heard from the radio or read at the internet.
I never seek out the help of my friends nor scatter what's going on between both of us. I want to keep the problems to myself cause I don't want others to get involved. Matters got worse for he informed his guildmates about it. I couldn't do anything about it. For me, I am doing the right thing. He just misunderstood everything. The story is quiet long and I don't want to narrate it anymore.

Only God knows . . .

I want to surrender everything to him. I know he got plans, I know that he'll help me fix this mess. I know that I may not be clean, and I am a sinner, but he always has plans for me.

Djhan sort of point out something which said that I don't have a lot of friends. Yes, that's true, I don't have many friends in-game, but in real life I got so many. I am not a charming person thus befriending somebody is difficult for me, but I managed to have real friends. Though we may be far away, I know that they still care for me and I hope I would be able to express how much they mean to me. I choose my friends, and I must admit that I always go for those that are "real".

True friends are tested through times...

For Djhan, this may not be the right time, but what comes along comes along. Life is unpredictable. Let God takes care of everything.

12:59 AM endurance, risk and love

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I'm listening to: Heather Hedley - I Wish I Wasn't
I'm currently feeling: Lonely

Try to imagine that you were in my shoes...

Situation 1:
I got my new graduation picture from the studio this afternoon. I admit this one's better from the first one only that my China eyes was given more emphasis than any other features, causing my left cheek to look like its bulging. Awful.

Situation 2:
The exam we had was real hard and was giving me a terrible headache, in fact I never finished the exam just like what my classmates and other graduating students did. There were no choices not even identification and was plainly calculation - over 50 items. It was extremely hard.

Situation 3:
I was playing RO, I ran out of load, I couldn't play any other account and I had no choice but to run my bot characters then listen to music afterwards. It's pretty much boring.

Situation 4:
I am so tired.

12:40 AM endurance, risk and love

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I'm listening to: Switchfoot - Learning to Breath
I'm currently feeling - Nervous

I am supposed to take an exam today at 9:00 AM. I am not ready so I decided to move my schedule to 1:30 PM.

I am downloading several MP3s, having a good time with a cigarette stick on my hand and a lot more in front of my PC. I don't want to think about the exam because I am too confident, in fact I slept with the lights on last night, my books and calculator was still on my bed. I got up early with the urge to fix up all my Ragnarok accounts and clean up my PC.

I feel like listening to a lot of music today. And so I did. This is what I always love doing. If ever I could pass the exam then I'll listen to music all day long while I wait for graduation day.

I feel my anger deep within because of what had happened last night. I want to breath because I feel like I am suffocated. I never know what really lies ahead but I just want to forget everything, and start a new life, as usual...alone.

I always love being alone. I have my own world, so different than what the others have. This is me, this is my life, this is what I want to do and I am destined to live this way.

Nobody can control me, `cause I am the "boss". For our dean, I will attend our class whenever I want to. I will do my medical mission whenever I want to. It's just a requirement. Life outside the school is so much different. I am destined to control my own life. Nobody gets in the way.

9:50 AM endurance, risk and love

Monday, October 03, 2005

I'm listening to: Hale - Blue Sky

I'm currently feeling: Pretty?

I was awake and was actively doing my "tasks" in the wee hours this morning, I was hoping that the sun would never rise as I don't want to join the medical mission that we ought to attend for so many reasons. First, I am tired and sleepy. I know that I won't be capable of doing such rigid activity without rest for I didn't sleep the whole night. Second, I have to pass my application to ensure that I will finally march on stage and get my diploma on the 15th. And lastly, I have to go to the studio, probably get my old grad. pic or have a new one.

It's Oct 3, 2005, 12 more days and it's graduation day. I never dreamed of this one, but it feels great that after 5 long years of sacrifice, there's a new path for the brand new journey ahead. This is an achievement I have to cherish even though I really am not an active student. Many times I would think about what's going to happen next, but to be able to prove anyone that I am not an ordinary student, I have to be a topnotcher of the boards. Unnecessary and too vague, but who knows anyway? Only God knows...But who never dreamed of such recongnition? I am a rebel hiding in a white pharmacy uniform eversince my 2nd year in college. I never fulfilled half of my dreams and I believe now is the time for me to devise a plan - change. There's nothing constant in this world but change. I have to discipline myself, love those that I don't like doing and hate those I love doing.

"a blue sky waiting tomorrow...waiting tomorrow...shining shimmering..."

10:51 PM endurance, risk and love

Sunday, October 02, 2005

I'm listening to: Puddle of Mud - Blurry

I'm currently feeling: High

Yesterday, I took my final pharmacy accounting exam. I felt dizzy and tired while I was answering every analytical questions, not that the exam was real difficult but the fact that I didn't get enough sleep the night before. I am an insomniac, like 24 hours isn't enough for me to finish everything I wanted to do everyday. I am craving for more...

I got some problems with my application for graduation. I haven't passed all the requirements because of the medical mission that we need to do tomorrow morning `til afternoon causing a delay in our pharmacy calculations exam to be given by the dean of the college. Our clearance deadline was last Saturday and almost half of the graduating students weren't able to pass the requirements.

Ma'am Mitch, our COP secretary required every graduating students to pass a 2x2 picture. Nice, I don't have any so I need to run to the nearest studio, wear my toga and have my photo taken.

In the afternoon after I got home, I sat in front of my old PC in deep thoughts. I am looking for possible solutions to fix my new PC. I really have no idea what's going on but my new PC won't boot anymore. With the telephone directory I found at the shelf near my working area, I looked up the phone number of the store where we purchased the whole package. I called them and learned from their technician that the problem could be because of some corrupted files. In short, my PC got invaded by worms and viruses. Right then, I remembered that before my PC crashed, I was browsing Loki Boards.

I need to reformat my new computer. And so, I immediately dressed up, looked for my friend Lecoy who's working at a shop near our school. Never found him there...

It was raining damn hard and so I was really wet all over and I decided to get home.

I called up Kuya Jim, my cousin and told him about what happened. He promised to come by Monday. And I just couldn't wait. I logged on YM and found xairo online. I sent him a private message, we chat about my problem and he helped me out. He was here last night.

My PC is currently working fine. I am real happy. I didn't have any difficulties encountered while I was transferring my files.

One problem left...

I am flying high!

3:39 PM endurance, risk and love

la femme ;

WELLA JANE dual-natured,elusive, complex and contradictory, have the virtue of versatility, on the other the vices of two-facedness and flightiness, very attractive; when feel bad is worse for being the charmer that she is. Lively, and happy, egocentric, imaginative and restless

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I LOVE:
MUSIC, rock and metal, animes, black nail polish, nicotine, PC Games, pocketbooks, foods: Chinese, Italian, Pinoy foods, beer, MONEY! Yeah!

I HATE:
Gossips, low-life people, cockroaches, all thing dirty, and everything that YOU hate!

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MP3 Player!

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animes ;

I love watching Anime, so I would like to share to you some anime sites I ~~love~~ to surf. Anyway, this is not complete, but I promise to complete the list soon. Enjoy!

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This are my friends, personal and online. You could also check out their BLOGS if you want!

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the gamers ;

If you are interested in eSports, these definitely are the links for you. Click on them and you will be directed to their respective sites. Keep on gaming!

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so yesterdays ;

March 2005
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